From my sister's blog.. and its about me

finally coming back to blog again, just a single post, before i really disappear for my exams. i dont know where i can type this. i just hope she would see this. maybe she wont.. even care.

hais. these few weeks.. or can i say months, has been really torturous. mentally. somehow i feel really tired. dont wana think abt it. grace asked if im escaping from something.

not that. but i just dont know how to face it. thinking abt the things you did. indeed really made my heartbreak. its not your fault. i know. ive been through all this angst and stuff. maybe its me who've caused this major i-dont-know-you-anymore between us. yeah. i guess it me.

but ive been trying. trying really hard. forgoing alot of stuff. trying to find the remedy these few weeks. trying to make myself appear livelier, happier, chirpier in your presence. sometimes i act like a fool.. only to be brushed off. i dont know anymore. ive been to extremes. how much more can i go? how much more can i take before i finally break?

sleepless nights. yeah. both you and me. staying up. watching you sleep. and suddenly, i realised. i dont know you anymore. i look at you, cold, expressionless, devioid of any warmth towards me. and deep down inside, my heart cries. cry for the fact that ive lost you. lost the one who has been the closet to me, all this while.

you mean alot to me. do you know? maybe i dont mean a thing to you anymore? maybe im just a part of ur life that you dont want and hate to face?

ive got so many things to tell you. so many things that youve missed out on me. so many things that ive missed out on you. so many things that i want to know, but will never know. so many times that i want to give you a hug and tell you that it will be alright, so many times that i just want to see your smile after a long, hard day in school, so many times i wish that you just would share your thoughts with me. but i wait, and wait, wait till the wee hours, wait till im tired, wait till immentally exhausted. but i dont see a trace.. not even a hearfelt smile from you.

i have to take it in my stride, my exams is in less than 3 weeks time. i have to keep this part of me. i wont show it to you. i have to hide my tears. i have to mentally block out this part of me. i have to pull through even when i know part of me wants to reach out to you. i wish my exams could wait. i wish you could wait. i know it will be different after my exams. maybe we wont even know each other anymore, going by each of our first names.

but part of me hopes that you would be the one that reaches out to me. ask me. tell me. talk to me. like long long before. or just give me smile. let me know that youre still there for me.i know this is a difficult time for you too. i faced the same fear twice. but i seriously hope that you will pull through. coz i dont wana see you sad. i know what it feels like to be looked down upon. to be labelled as 'the ones who cant study'.

but its okay. no matter what. i'll be there. i'll stand back. i'll let you shine. i'll aid you. i'll give you my utmost.

here's a song, for you.

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you thinkIt’s like it can go through anythingAnd even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though
Carrie: Sometimes you want to run awayAin’t got the patience for the painAnd if you don’t believe it look intoyour heart the beat goes on
Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you thatThings get betterThrough whateverIf you fall, dust it off, don’t let up
Sheryl: Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle
Beyonce: You need to know
CHORUS
Sheryl: If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enoughBut the heart keeps telling you don’t give up
Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to bequestioning, wondering what is whatDon’t give upTHROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!
Fergie: It’s like we all have better daysProblems getting all up in your face
Leona: Just because you go through it
Fergie: Don’t mean it got to take control, no
Leona: You ain’t gotta find no hiding place
Keyshia: Because the heart can beat the hate
Leona: Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you
Keyshia: And sayin’ you can’t go on
Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that
Miley: Things get better
Rihanna: Through
Miley: Whatever.
Rihanna: If you fall
Miley: Dust if off, don’t let up
LeAnn: Don’t you know you
Natasha: Can go
LeAnn: Be your own
Natasha: Miracle
Carrie: You need to know
Mary: You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind
Ciara: If you fall, dust it off
Mary: You can live your life
Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah
Mary: Let your heart be your guide
Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah yeah yeah
Mariah: And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good
Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeahLight up the dark, if you follow your heart
Mary: And it will get better
Mariah: Through whatever
Fergie: You got it in you, find it withinYou got in now, find it within nowYou got in you, find it withinYou got in now, find it within nowYou got in you, find it withinFind it within you, find it within
Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

i'll be at the end, stadning up, being brave, for you (:

my cousin told me about it and after i read it my heart just ached damn badly. i wanted to hug my sister and cry and tell her i am sorry but i am not brave enough to. the tears just kept whelming so i had to cry in the toilet so no one could see.

why? why treat me so well when i am so mean to you? why try so hard when i dont care about you? you could have just given up on me. you could have just ignored me. why did you have to feel so hurt and sad just for me, a big idiot who didnt realise everything. and last week she gave me $20 and told me to go buy stuff i like for myself.

da jie, i am really sorry for not realising how mush hurt i have caused to you. for not appreaciating every single thing that you have done for me. for not even giving you a simple smile. for not even noticing your presence or even show you some care. for giving you irritated glances when i am troubled or angry. i am really sorry. how i wished time could go back to where we started from and i promise i wont do this to you. i am sorry for treating you like a stranger. i am sorry. really sorry.

i guess nothing i say now will correct the situation and i really didnt want this to happen between us.

i love you very much. i am sorry.
but the hurt i have caused you would be in your heart forever and i know it would never heal. i feel really guilty. i want to kill myself for being able to be such a mean person. my heart is very painful but i know compared to you, this is nothing.

From my sister's blog.. and its about me

finally coming back to blog again, just a single post, before i really disappear for my exams. i dont know where i can type this. i just hope she would see this. maybe she wont.. even care.

hais. these few weeks.. or can i say months, has been really torturous. mentally. somehow i feel really tired. dont wana think abt it. grace asked if im escaping from something.

not that. but i just dont know how to face it. thinking abt the things you did. indeed really made my heartbreak. its not your fault. i know. ive been through all this angst and stuff. maybe its me who've caused this major i-dont-know-you-anymore between us. yeah. i guess it me.

but ive been trying. trying really hard. forgoing alot of stuff. trying to find the remedy these few weeks. trying to make myself appear livelier, happier, chirpier in your presence. sometimes i act like a fool.. only to be brushed off. i dont know anymore. ive been to extremes. how much more can i go? how much more can i take before i finally break?

sleepless nights. yeah. both you and me. staying up. watching you sleep. and suddenly, i realised. i dont know you anymore. i look at you, cold, expressionless, devioid of any warmth towards me. and deep down inside, my heart cries. cry for the fact that ive lost you. lost the one who has been the closet to me, all this while.

you mean alot to me. do you know? maybe i dont mean a thing to you anymore? maybe im just a part of ur life that you dont want and hate to face?

ive got so many things to tell you. so many things that youve missed out on me. so many things that ive missed out on you. so many things that i want to know, but will never know. so many times that i want to give you a hug and tell you that it will be alright, so many times that i just want to see your smile after a long, hard day in school, so many times i wish that you just would share your thoughts with me. but i wait, and wait, wait till the wee hours, wait till im tired, wait till immentally exhausted. but i dont see a trace.. not even a hearfelt smile from you.

i have to take it in my stride, my exams is in less than 3 weeks time. i have to keep this part of me. i wont show it to you. i have to hide my tears. i have to mentally block out this part of me. i have to pull through even when i know part of me wants to reach out to you. i wish my exams could wait. i wish you could wait. i know it will be different after my exams. maybe we wont even know each other anymore, going by each of our first names.

but part of me hopes that you would be the one that reaches out to me. ask me. tell me. talk to me. like long long before. or just give me smile. let me know that youre still there for me.i know this is a difficult time for you too. i faced the same fear twice. but i seriously hope that you will pull through. coz i dont wana see you sad. i know what it feels like to be looked down upon. to be labelled as 'the ones who cant study'.

but its okay. no matter what. i'll be there. i'll stand back. i'll let you shine. i'll aid you. i'll give you my utmost.

here's a song, for you.

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you thinkIt’s like it can go through anythingAnd even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though
Carrie: Sometimes you want to run awayAin’t got the patience for the painAnd if you don’t believe it look intoyour heart the beat goes on
Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you thatThings get betterThrough whateverIf you fall, dust it off, don’t let up
Sheryl: Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle
Beyonce: You need to know
CHORUS
Sheryl: If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enoughBut the heart keeps telling you don’t give up
Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to bequestioning, wondering what is whatDon’t give upTHROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!
Fergie: It’s like we all have better daysProblems getting all up in your face
Leona: Just because you go through it
Fergie: Don’t mean it got to take control, no
Leona: You ain’t gotta find no hiding place
Keyshia: Because the heart can beat the hate
Leona: Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you
Keyshia: And sayin’ you can’t go on
Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that
Miley: Things get better
Rihanna: Through
Miley: Whatever.
Rihanna: If you fall
Miley: Dust if off, don’t let up
LeAnn: Don’t you know you
Natasha: Can go
LeAnn: Be your own
Natasha: Miracle
Carrie: You need to know
Mary: You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind
Ciara: If you fall, dust it off
Mary: You can live your life
Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah
Mary: Let your heart be your guide
Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah yeah yeah
Mariah: And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good
Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeahLight up the dark, if you follow your heart
Mary: And it will get better
Mariah: Through whatever
Fergie: You got it in you, find it withinYou got in now, find it within nowYou got in you, find it withinYou got in now, find it within nowYou got in you, find it withinFind it within you, find it within
Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

i'll be at the end, stadning up, being brave, for you (:

my cousin told me about it and after i read it my heart just ached damn badly. i wanted to hug my sister and cry and tell her i am sorry but i am not brave enough to. the tears just kept whelming so i had to cry in the toilet so no one could see.

why? why treat me so well when i am so mean to you? why try so hard when i dont care about you? you could have just given up on me. you could have just ignored me. why did you have to feel so hurt and sad just for me, a big idiot who didnt realise everything. and last week she gave me $20 and told me to go buy stuff i like for myself.

da jie, i am really sorry for not realising how mush hurt i have caused to you. for not appreaciating every single thing that you have done for me. for not even giving you a simple smile. for not even noticing your presence or even show you some care. for giving you irritated glances when i am troubled or angry. i am really sorry. how i wished time could go back to where we started from and i promise i wont do this to you. i am sorry for treating you like a stranger. i am sorry. really sorry.

i guess nothing i say now will correct the situation and i really didnt want this to happen between us.

i love you very much. i am sorry.
but the hurt i have caused you would be in your heart forever and i know it would never heal. i feel really guilty. i want to kill myself for being able to be such a mean person. my heart is very painful but i know compared to you, this is nothing.